The most common question that people ask themselves when they’ve broken up is: how long should I wait before making contact with my ex?
It’s no lie that post communication breakup is important and can make or break your chances.
The things you do, your words, what you do around him in the immediate hours, days and weeks after the breakup will set the tone for how he views you. Mess this up and your chances of getting back together will go down the drain, so you need to be very careful that your next moves don’t jeopardize your chances of getting back together.
Having said that, the things you do and say aren’t nearly as important as the amount of contact you make. Don’t stress yourself that the lines of communication have dried up after the breakup, this is totally normal. Therefore, if you try and keep the lines of communication open between you two it will only end up complicating an already strained relationship and make things worse for you in the long run.
In short, the more you try and hang on to the relationship, the worse off it is for you. It ends up being counterproductive and accomplishes the exact opposite of what you want, which is to get your boyfriend back.
It’s important for you to understand that letting him go is really the first step to getting him back. Reconciliation between you two can only begin once you’ve accepted the break up. And until you come to that realization, any and all attempts to contact your boyfriend will backfire and be met with resistance, not open arms.
You need to come to terms with your current relationship and accept the reality that it’s over. The reason for doing this is so your no longer spending your time fixing something that’s broken. And this is important to your ex boyfriend. Why? Because he’ll keep avoiding you like the plague until you do. He’s not about to come around and start talking to you if he thinks you’re only aim is to hook up again.
You’ve got to make it look like you’ve moved on from him. There are a few ways to do this even if you think your ex isn’t interested in you or you’re still not over him.
This next part is key, so pay attention. The more removed you become from the situation, the greater his surprise and reaction will be. This is primarily because withdrawal and detachment is not what your boyfriend expected from you at this point in time. He broke up with you and expected that you’d go out kicking and screaming, begging for another chance, so he’s looking for you to put up a fight.
Using the No Contact Rule with Your Ex
Breaking off all contact with your ex boyfriend is the fastest and simplest way to get him to notice you again. However for many women this is the hardest part. In many cases when couples fail to get back together it’s because someone broke the no contact rule. Violating the no contact rule on your part always leads to the following scenario in your ex’s head:
"I can’t believe how desperate she is.
It’s clear she needs me more than I need her.
Why would I want to date someone like that again?”
Coming off as desperate and needy will make your boyfriend lose any respect he had for you. As soon as he realizes you’d do just about anything to get back with him is the same time he puts you in a different category all together: girls who are easy.
I know it’s hard to cut off contact. You go from calling, texting and talking to someone every day to nothing at all. The transition isn’t going to be smooth and it’s going to really make you miss your ex boyfriend. But guess what? You’re ex is going to miss you too.
Bear in mind that although he broke up with you suddenly, he was looking for a gradual withdrawal. He was fully expecting to hear from you and look over his shoulder and see you chasing him and begging to take him back. In essence, this allows him to exploit the break up. He won’t be in a rush to let you go and that he owns you because a part of you still loves him.
As you can see this comforts him. It’s easier for him to break up with you because he’s able to keep an eye on you and who you’re with. By hanging around and staying in his life, your ex is then fully aware of everything you’re doing. And the best part is, he knows he can get you back whenever he wants to. He holds all the cards and the deck is stacked against you.
Make Your Boyfriend Miss You by Using No Contact
Stand your ground when it comes to the no contact rule. As mentioned before this includes email, texting, phoning your ex as well as no visual contact. No communication, no talking, no exceptions.
Don’t be surprised if your ex calls you in the early stages of the break up. You need to be strong and refuse this early contact, as much as you’d love to talk to him and hear his voice. Remember, the deck is stacked against you.
In order to help you through the initial no contact stages you’ll need to unplug for a while. Stop charging your cell phone. Avoid checking email, texts and voicemail. Are you always on the computer? Then say goodbye to Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites for a while.
When you ditch the electronic anchors, you turn the tables and put yourself in a position to succeed. Staying plugged in will only tempt you to check up on your ex, and your goal here is the opposite. You want your ex checking up on you!
You might not know this, but no communication by you to your ex will get him thinking about you nonstop. I know he probably told you and himself what he wants, the truth is he really wants to hear from you in one form or another.
Look at it from this angle: your ex knows you still want him which makes him feel confident and desirable. But after you stop focusing your attention on him his ego will be shot. He’s got to face the reality of the situation and figure that you’re not interested in him anymore, which is something he never had to do while you were chasing him..
"How your ex girlfriend handles the break up speaks volumes about her. Being with someone who won’t leave you alone is annoying, but someone who waits by the phone can be just as bad."
"The thing that really gets me to second guess a break up is when she moves on and starts doing her own thing. It’s a lot easier to think about getting back together when she doesn’t dwell on the past. Confidence and independence are sexy and that’s when I start to wonder if I had something great."
As you’ve probably guessed, dropping off the radar creates a huge void for your ex. He’s lost the benefit of seeing you causally and being “just friends”. When you remove yourself from the picture, your ex starts to miss you like crazy immediately. And this, more than anything, speeds up the process for getting back together. You’ll never get back with your ex boyfriend until he misses you again.
Saying No to Just Friends
It’s impossible to keep the no contact rule if you and your ex are still seeing each other as friends. But you know what? If you ever want to date him again, you shouldn’t be friends with him.
Learning how to get your boyfriend back is hard, but understand that friendship is not the answer. It’s not going to bring you any closer to him; in fact, it will drive a wedge between you two and push you further apart romantically. Friendship with your ex boyfriend is a myth, and in most cases both sides wind up hurt and bitter.
How Long Should You Keep Up No Contact?
This is the biggest question of all. Even though every break up is different, there is a template you need to follow when it comes to contact with your ex boyfriend. In most cases, a period of about six weeks will do it.
The six week timeline is long enough to let the dust settle and the healing begin. Any hurt or bitter feelings on both sides will have gone away by this point. Also smaller issues that lead to the break up will be forgotten, so you’ll only be left with the more important ones.
Most importantly of all, the six week time period gives your ex some serious time to miss you! Don’t be surprised if he calls you before the six week period is up, but if he hasn’t, don’t worry. He’ll be more open to hearing from you after such a long absence.
And what’s more, since you haven’t contacted him? He won’t be second guessing your intentions. It makes talking to you much easier and enjoyable because you haven’t been pressuring him 24/7 to get back together.
Additionally, there are a few ingenious techniques for getting your ex boyfriend to call you. Find out what they are, because using these strategies will help put you in a position of much better control when finally speaking with your ex boyfriend again.
Now that you’ve learned a few tips on how to get your ex back , there are also several ingenious techniques for getting your ex boyfriend to call you. Learn what they are, because exploiting these strategies will help put you in a position of much better control once dealing with your ex boyfriend again.
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